HUMILITY AND COMPLIMENTS | HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT COMPLIMENTS?

 

“You’re looking beautiful today…”

‘No oh…’

 

“Your dress sense is really nice…”

‘No oh… It’s just nothing’

 

“You’re such a charming person…”

‘That’s not true oh…’

 

 

  

That right there, doesn't really make you humble or modest. It almost sounds like a case of low self-esteem.

 

The first dictionary definition of humble is ‘…unpretending, real’. In other words, one just being oneself. You being you.

 

The second is ‘…having a low opinion of oneself’ which many people take to extremes in an attempt to be humble.

 

 

“You did such a great job”

‘Thank you. I spent all night on it, I’m so happy it turned out well’

 

Something like that doesn’t sound proud(to me anyways), but rather has an air of genuineness and originality. 

How does it sound to you?

 

 

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Acknowledging one’s efforts and contributions is in no way haughty. It means you appreciate yourself even if others don’t. Self-worth gives you confidence free from what people think and it may come off as pride to some-some with self-image issues of course.

 

If you hate compliments or say you dislike them, then it is either of two things.

One, you may have low self-esteem.

This is more than an assumption. It is actually proven that people with low self-esteem dislike compliments because it contradicts how they see themselves. What they hear is the opposite of what they feel and they almost automatically resist it.

 

See here

 

Two, you just don’t want to seem proud.

And it’s really okay, we all go about things the wrong way sometimes. But you’re also not being genuine, which is part of what humility entails.

If you’re a proud person, it’ll still show despite all the ‘no oh’s you try to cover it with.

 

 

Humility has a lot more to do with acknowledgement than we usually think.

Acknowledging that what we have done or have become or how we look, is indeed a privilege. Acknowledging that it could’ve been anyone else and they could’ve done or fared far better. Acknowledging that there’s always someone better, funnier, prettier and so on.

And also acknowledging our own efforts and decisions, our uniqueness, our abilities, talents, experiences and environment. And accepting them all, aiming to make the most out of all these.

 

Related: The problem with how motivational quotes are used

 

 

In addition, receiving a compliment does not make you obligated to return one yourself. You can anyways, but complimenting is not ‘exchange of goods and services’ or ‘trade by barter’. It is ‘usually’ a sincere verbal appreciation of what someone notices in or on you. You don’t have to look for what to compliment back.

A situation like this is perfectly normal(again, to me).

 

“You’re quite a handsome fellow”

‘Thank you oh, we no two for this life’

 

 

Be free!

Be freer with your receiving compliments and your responses to them. Return compliments if there is a need or if you want to and not because you feel obligated to.

And if you’re doing the complimenting, be sincere and also the considerate-the person you’re complimenting may have image issues and may not react the way you expect. And even if it’s not the case, your wording still matters.

 

Related: Misconceptions surrounding eloquence

 

You’re worth the compliment, relish it.

Be you.

 

 

What’s the most unforgettable compliment you’ve received?