MAKING BETTER CONVERSATIONS: STARTING, TALKING AND ENDING

photo by Cody Engel

Striking up a conversation with someone can be easier said than done.

 ‘What to say’, ‘What not to say’, ‘How to say what to say’, are just few of the many scares that come with it. How to go about it doesn’t really have a laid down formula, partly because different situations will have different approaches.   However,  deliberately working on it or just trying to make better conversations can make a big difference.

 

Initiating or keeping a conversation going is not everyone’s forte. Obviously, some people are more naturally outgoing than others, but being interesting while staying true to your nature or person is a totally doable thing.

 

 

STARTING

Usually, even before you start talking with anyone, first impressions have already been made. Conversations are wonderful opportunities to correct or improve on them.

 

There are a lot of possible conversation starters, a ‘hello, how are you’ still works great. Or a sincere compliment. Be genuine in any you choose, it could be any random thing that you choose to compliment like their hair, shoes, eye colour, perfume et cetera.

Don’t go overboard though,

‘I LIKE THE WAY YOUR TEETH ARE ARRANGED, THE INCISSORS ARE JUST SO...’

(Yeah, not that).

Taking advantage of situations works a lot for me. For example, say a lecture just finished and I didn’t get everything down, and a girl I haven’t talked to before seems to have done so.

“Hello, can I finish up from your notes?”

‘Okay, no problem’

(After I’m done)

“Thank you very much, I’m __ by the way”

‘I’m ___’

“Which department? I noticed we share some courses, I’m in ___”

‘Yes, I’m in___, we share about three courses’

 

That’s one conversation started already.

Having a friendly demeanor puts the other person at ease. Being uptight doesn’t help any interaction flow and it can even seem like an interrogation. A smile is still a very pretty and affordable dress.

 

 

TALKING

This is obviously the main part of the conversation. I divide it into two; listening and talking.

photo by Jopwell

 

Listening

How is listening a part of talking when it’s almost the opposite?

One, if you don’t pay attention to the replies you get and note certain underlying tones, you’re not going to get anywhere especially if the person is uninterested. It saves a lot of energy if you are able to notice areas the person is interested in from their responses.

 

“So what do you think of the last Chelsea match?”

‘I don’t really watch foot...’

“It was really something else, I think they should change their jersey or something”

 

(Yeah, not that)

 

“So what do you think of the last Chelsea match”

‘I don’t really watch football, though I love playing the games’

“Really? I’ve not actually met a lot of people like that. Which do you prefer then, PES or FIFA? Personally, I prefer PES”

 

 (Something like that)

 

Even if someone is uninterested in a conversation, chances are that if you pay attention they can leave clues as to what they are actually interested in. Finding that can really get their attention and you would be surprised how a mutual ground can affect a discussion.

 

Without listening though, you could start off on an adventure that the other person can’t wait to end. It’s not entirely about you – wait for responses, know when to stop, listen.

 

Actual talking

photo by Anna Vander Stel

If you are the initiator, the topic you choose to start with should not only be one you are okay with but also one that is in close relation to the circumstances you both are in. For example, if you happen to meet someone at birthday party, it’s not odd to ask how they’re acquainted with the celebrant or if they have been enjoying the party so far. Too random a topic, does not always come off as enthralling.

 

Unless it’s on a really socially disturbing topic, local accidents and deaths for example, there’s no harm in introducing humour to your conversation. Even in serious conversations, a well-played joke can work wonders.

 

‘The number of accident cases just increases daily, it’s really concerning honestly, I even witnessed one today’

“I agree, might have something to do with the number of pretty ladies walking the streets these days”

 

While it can be a gamble, when it works it’s worth the risk. Humour in a conversation really eases both parties and can open up more engaging discussions.

It’s not a must, you can definitely still have a ‘James Bond’ conversation and get great results. And if you should, don’t overdo it. The tact involved in humour is not really the same as a regular conversation. It can be likened to a double-edged sword that either makes talking with someone a whole lot easier or puts them off and leaves you sweating. But it really gets better with trial.

 

Another importance of listening, is that you can bring up what they mentioned before. They might not show it but it means a lot to know that someone actually pays attention to what you say and can remember it.

 

 

ENDING A CONVERSATION

Say you have a smooth start and a wonderful discussion, you’d still need to end well. Ending a conversation is actually a big deal. It doesn’t need to be perfect, it can’t be anyways, but it can be just right. Sometimes you can be saved by the bell but since you can’t always be lucky...

 

‘It was really wonderful chatting with you. Hope to do this again sometime’

 

‘I haven’t talked this much in a while, it was really great. Thank you’

 

‘Sorry, I have to go. I really enjoyed the time’

 

photo by Helena Lopes

These are just a few out of so many, you can find one that suits you or the situation.

And if you say you enjoyed it, make sure you mean it. Be genuine.

 

 

There are so many other conversation tips that include starters, fillers and enders, body language and facial expressions. These are the basic ones I actually note and try out regularly and they’ve been working great for me, they could for you too.

 

They’re not totally foolproof, applying them to the letter will not work for everyone at every time. Reading situations is also very important.

 

Are they already part of your arsenal? Are there tweaks you’d like to make to some based on your personality or experience? Do you disagree with any?

 

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